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The clouds parted, the birds started chirping, the boss finally stopped barking out orders, the sun shone, I was free. These were all tell-tale signs of it being the weekend. One thing I love doing when it’s the weekend is going to spend time with someone’s future wife. The last time, the future wife in question was the Audi A5. This time I got to spend time with a lady who will certainly be loved when her hand has been given in marriage, over a 5-year payment plan, of course. The Alfa Romeo Stelvio QUADRIFOGLIO VERDE! I could not believe it.
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Who in their right minds would allow a perfect stranger go wild in an Italian performance monster, with over 500 horsepower without knowing whether the man behind the wheel has all his wits about him? The Alfa Romeo/Jeep/Fiat dealership in Pinetown would. To be frank if I had an Italian sports-beast I would also want everyone to know about it.
I must admit; when I contacted Prestige Group in Pinetown, I wanted to drive the only modern car I fell in love with, the Alfa Romeo Giulia. The lady Giulia captured my heart and attention ever since she was launched. She was so pretty, she had a unique face, she had a gorgeous, curvy well-stanced body and the most crucial thing is that she was so left-field.
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The Giulia was introduced to the market to let everyone know that you do not have to buy a 3 Series or a C Class or an A4. She reminded us that you can want and get a compact executive sedan even if you love cars and the idea of driving. Miss Giulia reminded us that you do not have to think German. You can be a superficial misogynist who only cares about looks and body shape. I did come across a problem, however, when I wanted to carry out my superficial misogyny. They didn’t have a demo model for the Giulia! Sad face. The good news was, though, they did have a demo car for Lady Giulia’s taller twin – the Stelvio, and they actually let me drive it.
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Let’s start from the outside, shall we? I hope you are well aware that I am not an objective reporter, I am biased towards the looks of Alfa Romeos ever since I laid eyes on the Brera Coupe. The Stelvio takes the concept and places it a new, unprecedented level. It is the first SUV that has the potential to appeal to car lovers based on the emotive, traditional Alfa Romeo front grille. That V-shape face carries so much history and conjures up good memories for motorsport fans who witnessed the legendary Italian brand make a name for itself throughout the 20th century on all of the world’s most prestigious race tracks. Who wouldn’t want that piece of automotive legend? The Stelvio is a car one can only look at through rose-coloured glasses and I always make sure that I always have them on when I look in its direction because I may be right in saying that not everyone will agree with me regarding the beauty of the Stelvio’s face. That’s what makes it even more gorgeous.
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Its face and eyes are a statement, they say to me “there is no one I can be likened to, you can never make a cheap replica of me.” This is evident when the front number plate has to go on. It goes on the side because this lady was born to stand out.
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The body is compact. Although it is an SUV, it doesn’t look big, heavy nor cumbersome. The shape of its silhouette tells the onlooker that it was made for agile movement, all the contours and creases and the curve of its rear speak to the beholder. It’s honestly getting difficult keeping this post suitable for all audiences.
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When we open the door and step inside we find come to know that we wanted to be inside all along. The stop/start button is on the steering wheel. My not so mature self could have ended this praise-fest right there but the beauty continues. The dials are analogue, the centre console is not cluttered and the infotainment system is easy to use and that means the focus is the road. Why would I want to be in any other thing? The creators of this art piece were trying to tell us that they care about the aesthetics that made us all fall in love with cars and driving. The only thing I saw how to change about the driving dynamics were the suspension settings. There was no sports button on the console but that’s because the Stelvio QV is always ready for action. Any time is attack time.
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Speaking of attack, The Stelvio packs a 2.9 litre V6 under the hood which delivers anywhere between 503 to 510 horsepower, depending on who you’re talking to. I haven’t really managed to get a straight figure. Very Italian indeed. I wouldn’t be too worried about the technical figures too much because the Stelvio does all its talking on the road. All you need to know is that it is stupendously quick. Depressing the throttle sinks you into the seat immediately and that is before you drop the pin all the way. In any gear the Stelvio is ready for action. The gear changes are the heavenly combination of quick and smooth in manual mode and the most important thing is that it makes a gorgeous, throaty sound as it gives you a splutter of kickback during gear shifts. Mind you that its engine was designed by the man who designed a lot of Ferrari engines, hence the similarities. It is worth mentioning, though, that the shifter paddles operate on more of a spectrum than on a simple ‘engaged – disengaged’ philosophy. By that I mean that although the gear changes are immediate, the paddles themselves feel soft and not so direct when you pull them.
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The Stelvio boasts a level of comfort I haven’t experienced in any other SUV, especially when you consider that this is the performance version. The drive isn’t necessarily dull but somehow it isn’t intrusive either. There isn’t a load of feedback from the wheel and seat but the ride still isn’t boring. The car doesn’t feel heavy on fast bends. It is uncanny how it can be rigid yet still remain comfortable. Small wonder it is among the top 3 fastest SUV’s to go around the Nurburgring, the holy land of speed. The only bad point is that much like many Italian clothes, this Italian powerhouse was not designed for fatties. The drivers seat was squeezing me a fair bit due to my own personal girth. This won’t be a problem if you are regular sized though.
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The Stelvio Quadrifoglio is a perfect tribute to Alfa Romeo’s motorsport heritage. It reminds us that the brand is still capable of manufacturing products that fall within the confines of the concepts of style and fun while it also reminds us that. we do not all have to think German. The Stelvio would be an ‘out there’ choice. Why would you want to conform?
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